User blog:Pinkguy the b0ss/The Apocalypse is here. No joke, no sarcasm.
Well, all my Shreks here at DiamondMinerStudios, it appears that the hour of the apocalypse is among us. I never knew something this bad could happen ever since I saw Suicide Squad ''at a drive-in late last year. However, somehow, it ended up happening, and there is no going back once it is unleashed upon the world. Judging by my previous mention of ''Suicide Squad, you may already have come to the conclusion that this post is all about movies. Well, you would be insane if you guessed anything else. Now, as previously established among the pages of this wiki, I always like a good movie. Great movies like Inside Out, Shrek,'' National Lampoon's Vacation'','' Army of Darkness'','' Forrest Gump'','' Monsters Inc.,'' Shawn of the Dead,'' and many others are what remind me of how outstanding film is as a type of entertainment and are the reasons I often keep up with new movies. For this post, I want to focus on animated movies. They are one of the best (in my opinion) genres of film, period. In fact, in my personal list of favorite 10 movies of every kind imaginable (yes I call it that, please don't judge), animated films make up at least half of it. Now that the focus is on animation, I have to return to the title, because you most likely clicked on it due to it being clickbait. I assure you, however, that I am writing this with something I have to inform all of you about - the apocalypse mentioned previously. Now, hopefully you all know about Sony Pictures Animation. They are the company that released the ''Open Season, Hotel Transylvania and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs series, which each have their own strengths and weaknesses. However, as you all should know, they have recently made some, for lack of a better term, interesting choices of concepts for movies. This brings me to a little history lesson, oh boy, how exciting. All thorughout history, people have sketched various displays of human feelings in the form of portraits and charts. One of the first widely used depictions in text form was the emoticon, invented in Japan using ASCII technology in the 1980s. Examples are :-) for happiness, >:( for anger, and so on. Or if you really want to go to town, the good ol' classic ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). These were king throughout the 1990s. People used them all over the internet to show how they were feeling. However, they were innocent for the most part, case in point, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), as they were not over-saturated and no businesses attempted to capitalize on their popularity. However, Japan had another trick under its sleeve. In the late 1990s, when emoticons were still reigning supreme, the Japanese invented the so-called "picture character," or in japanese, e-moji, "e" meaning picture and "moji" character. They were first introduced as a part of Japanese mobile phones in the late 1990s. This invention and inclusion did not begin the apocalypse, but set up the long and winding road towards it. They became cancerously popular in Japan, so much so that young Westerners in the good old US of A began to demand them. The company of the lowest common denominator, liberal, hipster sheep - Apple Computers Inc. - included them in the 2007 release of the falsely-believed "innovative" iPhone 1. They later included them on their computers, known as the iScam.... no wait sorry, I mean the iMac, sorry. I get those confused a lot. The popularity of emojis grew so cancerously quick that they caused emoticons to fade almost entirely into obscurity... besides ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), of course. No but seriously, they basically defeated the king, the emoticon, and kept on growing even quicker and more cancerously than before. This cancerous growth caused businesses to design and release clothing depicting the small, round cancer cells contained on a cellphone, and there was even a day dedicated to them. Efforts should have been made to stop their growth, but nothing of the sort ever happened, allowing them not only to survive, but to thrive. Surely, a worldwide day dedicated to emojis should have been the breaking point, but it seems that the nightmare was only beginning. Thus, we arrive in 2016. The early warning signs of the end of the world began near the middle of the year, when news emerged that Sony Pictures Animation, the company that was mentioned earlier, was considering turning the little balls of cancer into a movie. Now of course that sounded ridiculous when said out loud. "A movie about emojis?" It just sounds like the dumbest thing of all time aside the concept of more than two genders and otherkin. But, it seems as though the signs were a warning to us that it could all end soon. A little bit later, a teaser trailer was released, which was so poorly received that there were "X but when Y, it's Z" meme videos made about it, and various YouTubers made rant videos about the trailer. All of the efforts seemed to be futile around the release of ''Storks ''in late September, but from that point the efforts got more intense and by December the movie was announced to supposedly be cancelled. Now, I myself (admittedly) did not find out about the movie's cancellation until about late January 2017. I was thankful, because this meant that there was no cancer to be released on August 16, the original proposed release date. However, it was all for nothing. I went throughout the year until June, believing that this entire nightmare was over and that emojis would hopefully die off soon, among my other occupations such as record collecting and videomaking. However, under the veil of darkness, Sony Animation was secretly working on the movie. Once I saw a trailer on television in June 2017, something went off in my mind..... telling me that the nightmare was not over and the apocalypse was coming soon to theaters near you. (heh... I do unfunny puns now.) I thought, "Well, from what I remember, this comes out in August, so we have a little time left...," until the part of the trailer stating the release date. It said, "Coming July 28." I could not believe what I had just seen. The night terror was not only still going on, but the end of the animated film business as we know it was coming in just one short month. This led me to start an internal countdown timer to the "apocalypse," as I called it. However, the one reason I am writing this article before it is too late is... IT COMES OUT IN JUST THREE DAYS. Yes, as you know, today is July 25, 2017, 1:02 PM at the time of writing this sentence, now it's 1:03 as I just finished. That's one minute closer to the end of animation as we know and love it today. Anywho, the movie... well, "plague," as I will now call it, will be unleashed upon the world and probably change animation in the future. I'm not saying that just releasing the plague will cause the end of animation instantly, but if it becomes popular, which it most likely will, there could be other companies that adopt similar aspects in future films and slowly start to damage the good name of animated films, causing them to try and appeal to lowest-common denominator idiots who spend 5 years at an Apple store before the release of a new product and voted for Hillary just because she was a woman (sorry, I don't mean to be political, but I don't care so deal with it). This could also potentially cause half-baked entires by studios trying to capitalize on the popularity of the plague, causing an entirely new epidemic in the process. This will truly be the apocalypse of the silver screen if the trend is to continue. God help us all. Category:Blog posts